What is more important about this whole affair is that it’s diverted us from things that are far more important and newsworthy. Like the deaths of around 100,000 Iraqis that occurred as a result of our unjustified invasion of their country and those that will die tomorrow there and in Afghanistan. Like the number of people whose lives are disrupted by unemployment in our country.

This is the problem with the American media. It focuses our obsessions onto one ultimately unimportant person and not the truly important and life-changing things happening throughout the world that affect all of us.

Or maybe it’s not a problem. It does, after all, sell Viagra, Miller Lite McDonald’s food and whatever the dog is being used to hawk on the commercial before the video. Maybe that’s what it’s all about. Maybe that’s what Tiger’s all about.

About 120 years ago another group of white guys started hanging out in Hawaii and then they started buying fruit and sugar plantations. Next thing you know Queen Liliuokalani got the old “heave-ho” and Sanford Dole, one of them rich white guys, took over, making the nation safe for other rich plantation owning white guys.

See, this was the time when American imperialists were big on the whole “White Man’s Burden” thing that we’d borrowed from the British, who used it as a justification for killing hundreds of thousands of brown people all over the world. We had brown people of our own to kill in the Philippines and in Hawaii, so killing them or deposing their leaders while taking over their country for American agribusiness in the name of “civilizing them” sounded better than plain old-fashioned imperialism, or it’s red-headed stepchild economic imperialism.

(I hope that paragraph wasn’t as exhausting to read as it was to write)

It is clearly with this spirit of civilizing Hawaii, as well as the rest of the nation that the RNC is going about it’s heroic work of bringing government back in touch with the average American. Jon Oliver from the Daily Show offered up this report from the GOP’s temporary tropical paradise headquarters.

I must take this editorial opportunity to respectfully suggest that, as a future indirect subject of her Majesty the Queen, that she knight Jon Oliver if only for being one of funniest freaking people on television.

It was my well-intentioned mother-in-law’s attempt to expose us to culture. I agreed mostly because she also took us out to dinner beforehand. I was bored silly, and probably even fell asleep a couple times.

Prior to this, my only exposure to opera was the one shared by millions of kids throughout the United States. Please excuse the pointless piece at the end of video.

I largely resisted opera virus for the next 20 or so years, although I was exposed to it a couple times without knowing it. I was infected, but the virus stayed dormant for many years. As a way to soften me to the idea, the Queen of my Universe explained that my second-favorite Broadway play was based on Madame Butterfly by Puccini.

It seems these dudes that wrote the operas wrote some pretty enduring stories.. so good in fact that Broadway producers used them to base a couple of their plays around. I saw Miss Saigon a couple times on Broadway and loved it. Normally I shunned Broadway fluff, but this had substance… this was how we fucked up Vietnam. Social relevance… I’m down.

And then, my favoritest movie, as it happens, is based on Verdi’s La Traviata.

Herein lies the genius and guile of the Queen of my Universe. Having played the Moulin Rouge card, she knew I was interested. We started by ummmmm renting Puccini’s La Boheme… because that’s the scene Nicholas Cage falls in love with Cher in in Moonstruck, or vice versa. It’s also the basis of this fairly popular play.

It was pretty good… the subtitles were there so I could understand it, and the leads, Teresa Stratas and Jose Carreras had some amazing pipes. Check it out… go ahead… it won’t hurt you.

At this point, I was going along simply to humor the Queen of my Universe. Then we watched the version movie of Madame Butterfly, and I was hooked. It was even better than Miss Saigon! The ugly American dickhead lead was even better! This is the scene where she realizes that the douchenozzle who knocked her up is probably not coming back.

Thus, confident that I could sit through an entire opera, I moved on to the next step.. but that’s another story.

Thank you Rufus.

Snider sings about things that I often think about, but am too timid, or inarticulate enough to say. Being out here on the left can be a lonely place sometimes, but all I have to do is listen to Todd and know I’m not alone.

So without further ado, here is the high point of my wood-stacking venture this afternoon, and the lyrics to the new official anthem of granolabox.com

Conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American male.
Gay bashin’, black fearin’, poor fightin’, tree killin’, regional leaders of sales
Frat housin’, keg tappin’, shirt tuckin’, back slappin’ haters of hippies like me.

Conservative Christian, right wing Republican, straight, white, American males,
Soul savin’, flag wavin’, Rush lovin’, land pavin’ personal friends to the Quayles
Quite diligently workin’ so hard to keep the free reins of this Democracy
From tree huggin’, peace lovin’, pot smokin’, barefootin’ folk-singin’ hippies like me.
Tree huggin’, peace lovin’, pot smokin’, porn watchin’ lazyass hippies like me.

From East Nashville Skyline

Behold, the Tye-Dye Tomato from the Burpee seed company. Although I suspect it’s somehow genetically engineered (is that what hybrid means nowadays?) it looks really cool, and probably tastes good too. The Queen of My Universe says their seeds suck… but admits that their marketing is top notch.

I can’t disagree.

This is my State Senator, Dale Volker. He voted against this. He’s a dick.

So lets not put them together anymore. One of my former students, a devoted libertarian, suggested that we take the power of “marriage” away from the state and confer upon the state the power of civil union. That way, anyone who wants the legal benefits of lifelong partnership can have it.

I think people would eventually get used to the idea of having legal civil unions, and it would take a lot of hypocrisy out of the system. The hypocrisy is even more blatant in my case because the Queen of my Universe and I were married by a gay judge, who performed the ceremony at the last minute of Valentines Day because she owed my gay friend, who managed her re-election campaign, a favor.

This will return the sacrament (if sacraments are your church’s thang) to its rightful place: the church. Let churches determine who they will or will not hate on, thus carrying on the long and rich tradition of religiously-inspired hatred in America.

I wouldn’t mind “reducing” my marriage to the status of “civil union.” That would give me impetus to have a church ceremony. I could even scoot down to Boston and have the Reverend Mother Robert Coats “marry” me to the Queen of my Universe.

That way, I’d have a state ceremony performed by a gay judge and a church ceremony performed by a gay minister.

And ain’t that America?

Dwight Yoakam - Dwight Sings Buck
If you’d told me 30 years ago I would enjoy listening to Buck Owens music, or any form of country music for that matter, I would have requested you shoot me at the conclusion of the 29th year. Buck Owens music was the horrible stuff that came out of Uncle Ray’s speakers while he and dad drank Carling Black Labels and overcooked the food on the grill. But that was before I discovered how honest and catchy country music could be, thanks to Dwight Yoakam. This is a collection of quirky and endearingly catchy songs lovingly recreated by Dwight Yoakam. Cheers Uncle Ray.

Patty Griffin - Children Running Through
This has been the decade where I fell head over heels musically in love with Patty Griffin, and this album cemented my fandom forever. More than any of her other albums, this shows her tremendous musical versatility and range of vocal styles, from mousy folk to near brassy soul.

Todd Snider - The Excitement Plan
Todd Snider is now my “go-to” guy for quirky and often hilarious alt folk/country or whatever. Move over Dan Bern. How could an album featuring a song about a major league pitcher throwing a perfect game on acid not make the cut here at Granola Central. And… it’s a true story.

Ben Folds - Supersunnyspeedgraphic
Most people probably don’t consider this to be Ben Folds’ best album, but I do. It’s stripped down, funny and downright vulgar. The high point is his extremely white version of “Bitches Ain’t Shit.”

Kings of Leon - Youth and Young Manhood
These guys are an amazing combination of CCR and the Jim Carroll Band. (rest in peace Jim… sigh) I don’t what what the fuck they’re saying most of the time, but they’re real sincere about saying it.

MIA - Kala
My favorite Clash song is “Straight to Hell.” I have formed instant lasting bonds with other like-minded people. Since she chose to sample the song for her mega-hit Paper Planes, I instantly got a musical crush on MIA. She also samples “Where is my Mind” by the Pixies, another of my favorites. She also digs Jimmy Carter. Although the album is slightly outside of my musical comfort zone, it rocks my socks.

Green Day - American Idiot
This masterful concept album lays bare everything that was fucked up about Bush’s America. It was also the first album my oldest daughter and I both absolutely love. Although many of the teeny-boppers of my daughter’s ilk probably don’t know what Billy Joe is singing about… someday they will, and it will make my job of encouraging kids to subvert the dominant paradigm just a little bit easier.

Billy Bragg and Wilco - Mermaid Avenue Volume II
This is the second volume of Billy Bragg’s collection of Woody Guthrie songs. Guthrie’s daughter Nora found thousands of songs he’d written down but never put to music, mostly because he was succumbing to a form of Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Of the two volumes, this is my favorite, mostly because of the rocking “All You Fascists” which was my “go-to” song when I was angry at the Bush administration.

Indigo Girls - Come on Now Social
Although this album came out in 1999, it came out in LATE 1999, so I’m including it anyway. It’s the Indigo Girls most powerful album. It also marks the last Indigo Girls before Emily Saliers got dumped by someone, leading off the most depressing decade of Indigo Girls albums which thankfully seems to have come to a close with their latest effort. The album encapsulates where we should have gone politically and socially in the thousands… but didn’t.

So there they are… my top ten. Did I miss something? That’s what the comments are for.

Welcome to my morning.

Once in a while, I share the songs… only because I don’t want to suffer alone. Here’s this morning’s contribution to my insomnia, and the accompaniment to my morning walk.

If this song is going through your head two hours from now, you have my permission to roundly curse me.

On a side note.. what drugs would you guess the audience and the band are on? My vote is qualudes and/or coke.

This is why I can’t understand a few things I’ve seen Christians praying for lately. The first relates to this Anti-Obama T-shirt asking people to pray for Obama, then referencing Psalms 109:8. I looked it up, ’cause I haven’t gotten that far in the audio version of the Bible I’ve been listening to. (really… I have!.. perhaps more on that later)

It starts with “Let his days be few; and let another take his office.” Fair is fair.. I probably prayed for Bush to meet an untimely political end either consciously or subconsciously. But then the scripture goes on to say “Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow.” Hold on a minute… that ever-so-cute package of American wholesomeness fatherless and widowed? These followers of Jesus wish for this to happen?

Okay… Psalms is Old Testament… so maybe it’s some other Judeo-Christian group wishing some hate on the Obama family. I mean, after all, Jesus was the same color as Obama, and Obama’s a Christian too… Throw me a bone here?

Then along comes this little number in the hallowed halls of Congress. Invoking prayer in the Senate chambers is certainly nothing new, in fact, it’s protocol. But to suggest praying for Senator Robert Byrd to die so he can’t show up to block a filibuster as Tom Coburn has done? Now that’s a bit much.

It seems to me that if Tom Coburn is a Christian (which I think is probably a prerequisite for being an Arkansas Republican) he probably shouldn’t go around encouraging people to pray for Senator Byrd’s demise. Senator Byrd is probably a Christian too. I don’t think Jesus would want this deed done.

Furthermore it seems to me that Jesus was all about the poor people. You don’t hear him running smack on poor people nearly as much as you do the rich people. And since this health care bill, as lame-ass as it is, is supposedly to help poor people get medical care, would be the kind of thing that Jesus would at least nominally support. At the very least, he wouldn’t want someone struck dead just because he wants people to vote on it.

Maybe I’m being too simplistic about these issues, but doggone it, simplicity is what I like most about Jesus’ teachings.