GranolaBox

So in my seventh day of not eating I’m looking around at a dirty house, overgrown lawn and myriad other things which, if not done, will bring chaos and disorder to the universe. I want my food energy back… I want to get up and do normal things again.

I started to doubt the benefits of the fast and what I’ve accomplished this week. Then I read an article about it, and it really helped me tune in on what my body has done in seven days.

The fast, combined with the miracle powder and will of steel, pulled roughly three feet of icky rubbery goo from my colon. Some of that stuff might even be older than my children. And smell… the organs surrounding the colon must really hate where they live. It’s gotta smell bad. So it stands to reason that I made all my surrounding organs happy in the process.

The toxin absorbers I drank sucked up toxins as they worked their way through my entire digestive tract and out. My friend Nate suggested I could accomplish the same end by drinking draino, but I’m pretty sure the side effects of draino far outweigh the benefits.

And these toxins have nowhere to go. They’re in digestive purgatory. The body doesn’t know what to do with them and so refuses them entry to the golden gate of the blood stream. They’re like Loci and Barnaby in Dogma, who God exiles to Wisconsin for all eternity. So when these toxins get a chance to pass out through the rest of the digestive system, they jump on board.

I don’t know how, but the fast has improved my sense of smell and taste. When we drank broth the other night I could taste every vegetable distinctly, and apple juice has never tasted better in my life.

My body has been working its ASS off this week and has had to listen to me bitch and whine the whole time. It’s hard work ripping all those toxins out…. work they can’t do when there’s regular digestive activity. It’s like when construction workers have to close up the expressway. It’s a big pain in the tuckus, it makes like miserable and we whine, but then when it’s all done it’s nice and smooth for another couple years. The construction workers are under pressure to get the stuff done quickly so traffic can get started again. My organs are ass-kicking American construction workers this week.

Oh yeah, there have been some less-than-glamorous side effects to the fasting process. I was looking at a website earlier (right here) that listed all the bad side effects one can expect while you’re body is under construction. The only one of the eight I didn’t have was achy joints.

The fast is much more than physical purification though… it’s a test of the will. It’s really hard when you’re surrounded by normal people who have the audacity eat. Food smells are everywhere, but we’re so bombarded by them that we take time to notice.

So much of our lives revolve around food and the preparation thereof that it creates a weird void in its absence. You shop for food, you prepare food, you clean up food, you run the dishwasher; This has its benefits though; you don’t have to do a lot of dishes.

Finally, the fast has intensely deepened my love for food, and the Queen of My Universe’s preparation thereof. I really take food for granted and I think most Americans do as well. It’s a blessing to have so much food at our disposal.

I’ve only begun to experience the benefits of what I’ve accomplished this week. I’m still kind of grumpy, groggy and impatient waiting for breakfast tomorrow. It’s like Christmas, except I can’t eat meat or dairy until the day after.

So, it doesn’t look like I did a lot this week. From all outward appearances it looked like I slept, putzed on facebook, bothered Joe next door and did little or nothing.

But I accomplished a lot in seven days.

Filed under: Food, General Observations on July 14th, 2009