Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Vasectomies but were Afraid to Ask

These are some highlights from the Vasectomy Information and Instruction Sheet I got from the urologist. The stuff in bold was bold on the original text. The stuff in italics is the rambling of a man with very sore balls confined to his bed.
Take a SHOWER immediately before your operation, lathering [...]

Citizen of the Week: Dr. Harold Stopp

The deed is done.
Since it’s sperm week here at Granola Box, I thought it best to designate my urologist, Dr. Harold Stopp as Citizen of the Week. When I tell anyone from outside the Rochester area that the guy doing my vasectomy is Dr. Stopp, they think I’m kidding. However, [...]

Every Sperm is Sacred

Growing up Catholic I figured just about every other thought I had was enough to evoke damnation. So hearing that every sperm was sacred wasn’t too much of a stretch for my guilt-ridden mind to wrap itself around. It still didn’t stop me from wasting a lot of it. I’m glad I [...]

Happy Sperm Week Everybody!!!

I’ve ordained that this week shall be deemed “Official Granola Box Sperm Week” in honor of my impending vasectomy. After a lifetime of diligent service, I’m shutting down the factory on Friday. I thought it only fitting to devote at least a week’s worth of posts to the system that’s served me so [...]

I Can’t Stay Mad at John Mellencamp

I take back half the bad things I said about John Mellencamp for the jingoistic ditty that ended up on the Chevy commercial, and served as the soundtrack to the jumbotron video of Americans with high tech weapons patrolling the Iraqi landscape to blow up some A/RABs.
Mellencamp’s Jena video is awesome. The [...]

Wanted: RepKuhlSpeak Translator

Finally…. after carrying signs in front of my Congressman’s office, signing countless petitions, watching him throw my comrades in jail and sending tons of e-mails through MoveOn aimed at getting him to change his position on the war in Iraq, I finally got a response.
Yup… I got a letter from Randy Kuhl himself.
[...]

Between a Desireable Rock and a Desireable Hard Place

“I can’t complain, but sometimes I still do.”
Joe Walsh - Life’s Been Good
Because the Queen of my Universe is having such a great year in her pursuit of world domination I’m going to get a great Christmas present. I feel guilty even calling this a dilemma, but I’m torn between getting a new [...]

Industrialization, The Protestant Work Ethic, Catholic Guilt, Biology and Saturday Morning

I get to sleep in on Saturday mornings once every two weeks. Because of my commute I have to get up at an ungodly hour during the work week, and because I have my kids every other weekend I can sleep later, but it’s not really unadulterated sleeping in.
So there I lay this [...]