GranolaBox

The following letter appeared in a small town newspaper, The Gates-Chili Post, in 1994 by Jean A. Black, CPA. Ms. Black was one of the most outspoken teacher bashers of her era, and this letter provoked a firestorm of response from local teachers.

“Teachers Wanted”

Applications now being accepted. Bachelor’s degree required and must work toward master’s degree.

Per the recently-completed contract: The workday shall be no longer than seven and one-half hours long, including lunch. Starting salary - no experience required - $26,868. Plus you can earn extra money - as much as $17.62 per hour for product development. 90 percent paid health care, including dental and vision. Participation in a flexible spending account which allows you to pay up to $5,000 in dependent care costs with pre-tax dollars. Reimbursement for tuition up to one-half of the cost. Be a leader and earn up to an additional $1,297 per year plus work less during the workday. Get paid for chaperoning at $12.92 per hour.

Your work year is 185 days per year while your neighbor’s is as much as 250. Bask in the summer sun - or earn summer wages at $14-$17 per hour. Coach basketball, wrestling or ice hockey and add another $5,320 to the take. Be an advisor in your spare time and make an additional $992. Be in charge of our newsletter and get paid yet another $551. Guaranteed retirement.

Also, per year: who personal leave days, 15 sick days, three emergency days, two educational conference leave days.

Don’t miss out. Call today. Our operators are standing by waiting for you to call. Opportunities like this don’t last. Contact the Spencerport Central School District. Your time has come.

Jean A. Black, CPA
Spencerport

Here was my response, published a few weeks later in the same paper.

“An Open Letter to Jean Black, CPA”

Dear Ms. Black,

Thank you for so cleverly exposing this sham of a life I’ve been living as a teacher for the past five years. Ever since I entered the teaching profession, I have been plagued with guilt over the very issues you raise in your letter. Thanks to your letter, I feel the time has come for me to tell the truth.

For years I’ve been deceiving everyone about my workday and vacation time. You’re right Jean, I only work 7 1/2 hours per day. I’ve been lying to my wife about the 3 or 4 extra hours every weeknight, and the six to ten hours I spend each weekend correcting student papers and planning lessons. I might as well admit that I’ve also been lying about my summers. I don’t spend that time refining curriculum and learning ways to teach my students. (Why would I, when I only work 7 1/2 hours per day?)

The truth is, I’ve been spending all my extra time after work and during the summers devising ways to spend my exorbitant salary. My starting salary WAS almost $27,000, but I told everyone I was only making $17,000. My first year and every since I have been stashing the remaining money away in a Swiss bank account, which I will eventually use to purchase a villa in the Alps so that I have a comfortable place to spend both my extra time and exorbitant salary. Maybe to indulge my vanity, I’ll invite some of my CPA and Engineer friends (who make far less money than I do) over to rub their collective noses in my material success.

No, I haven’t been suffering like a CPA, but believe me, I feel your pain. I know that you deal with 120 or more clients a day, and that many of them take their deep seated emotional problems out on you. I know that most of them only go to your office because the state mandates it, and that many want to be anywhere else but your office. I feel your pain, I know there are accounts of numerous accountant’s offices with old, outdated technology and furniture that has been vandalized beyond recognition. I’ve read the accounts of the many accountants who have been assaulted in their offices because what is considered a crime on the street is not considered a crime in a CPA’s office. I feel your pain every time I read a letter to the editor that senselessly and without merit bashes the accounting profession.

I have the power to ease your suffering though. At the next CPA board meeting, when the publicly elected group of citizens that makes all your important decisions meets to discuss your future, I will speak out. When the public votes on how much you get paid and under what conditions you will work, believe me, I’ll speak out.

Well, the truth is out. I think I’ll spend the rest of my vast amount of leisure time thinking about basking in the sun and thinking about how to spend the vast amounts of money I’ll make. Then, I’ll get lots of sleep preparing for my next 7 1/2 hour work day. Quite frankly Jean, since the salary is so high and the benefits are so good, why don’t you apply for the job?

Filed under: General Observations, Teaching on August 4th, 2007