Thomas Jefferson, on How to Write a “Dear John” Letter
In writing the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson sought to do two things. First, he wanted to explain to the world why the United States wanted its independence. It essentially explained independence, as well as declared it. Second, he laid the groundwork for the type of government he and his fellow patriots envisioned.
On the lighter, far less academic side, a good way to learn a practical lesson from the Declaration of Independence is to look at it as a “Dear John” letter to King George. Following the Declaration’s outline allows a prospective “dumper” to let the “dumpee” down easily but firmly, while transcending the trite “it’s not you … it’s me” card.
When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
This is simply the introduction. Jefferson is saying that when one country splits from another, the country being split from should have a list of reasons. In this case, Jefferson wanted the rest of the world to know why as well.
In the “Dear John” letter this paragraph prepares the “dumpee” for what’s about to follow in the rest of the letter. It’s a subtle way of saying “You might want to sit down for this.” The “dumper” can also share this with well-meaning friends and enemies who might be curious as to the reasons for the breakup.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. That whenever any form of government becomes destructive to these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness……
Here Jefferson is summing up his vision of what good government OUGHT to be according to the revolutionaries and their guiding philosophical light, John Locke. Government is here for the people and to protect their rights. If it doesn’t, they need to change it or replace so it does. This is the most important part of the Declaration because it lays out the American version, and eventual PERversion of freedom and democracy.
This part of the “Dear John” softens the blow for the “dumpee.” The dumper explains what he/she thinks a relationship OUGHT to be. “When we kiss, I want to feel my heart skip a beat.” “When I come home from a hard day at work, I want to leap with joy when I see your car in the driveway.” This is what the “dumper” wants out of the relationship, but presumably isn’t getting.
The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute tyranny over these states. To prove this, let facts be submitted to a candid world.
He has refused his assent to laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good……..
and so on and so forth.
This is the list of specific beefs the colonists have with the British government. I won’t go into them because they’re kind of tedious, sometimes exaggerated and in some cases, not even true. The Declaration was, after all, a propaganda piece.
This is where the “Dear John” letter can and perhaps should get ugly. These are the real reasons the “dumper” wants to break up. Here the “dumper” should be as brutally honest as possible. This is where you illustrate why the relationship isn’t what you think it OUGHT to be. “When we kiss, I feel like I have to wipe my face off after.” “When I see your car in the driveway after a long day at work, it makes me want to go back to work.” The worse the relationship, the more graphically the reasons should be spelled out.
We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states…….And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.
This is where the colonists nail the lid on the proverbial coffin. It’s over we’re done… bye bye. Furthermore, we’re so serious about it that we’re willing to fight and die for it.
In the “Dear John Letter” this is where the “dumper” leaves no shred of hope for reconciliation in the mind of the “dumpee.” The “dumpee” must know in no uncertain terms that they have indeed been dumped. “I don’t want to be with you, in any way, in any context. Don’t call, write or communicate with me… etc.” Here, the “dumper,” especially in the case of a needy “dumpee” should spell out what he or she is willing to do to make sure the relationship is ended. “I will ignore any form of communication from you… I will get a restraining order against you”… etc.
Jefferson provided a framework for the freedoms we like to believe we have today, and that certain leaders use as a justification for invading other countries. It’s an important reminder that we don’t have to live with a bad relationship with our government, or a bad relationship with a partner, when that relationship isn’t what it OUGHT to be.
Jefferson, and consequently the writers of the Articles of Confederation and the Constitution put the tools for good government squarely in the hands of the people. The problem today is that the people don’t know how to, or don’t want to use the tools. The people have the power to alter the government not by pulling a trigger with our pointer fingers, but flipping a lever or pushing a button in a voting booth. By not using that power, we dishonor the noble intentions of the founding fathers.
That being said…happy Independence Day everyone!
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