GranolaBox

I live in Western New York. Yesterday, I went out to mulch up the remaining leaves in my yard with my lawn mower. We’ve had a warm streak so I figured my long sleeve thermal shirt and sweatshirt would suffice.

As soon as I walked out into the bright sun I knew I wouldn’t need the sweatshirt. Within ten minutes of mowing I was ready to take the thermal shirt off as well because I was sweating so much. I contemplated taking the thermal off, but my neighbor was studying outside and I didn’t want to blind her with my pasty whiteness.

I’m not a big fan of winter but since it’s late November and it’s supposed to be cold, it might as well be cold and snowy so my family and I can enjoy all the fun things there are to do in the winter. A mild winter is pointless. There’s no snow to play in or look at. Everything has turned brown and muddy, and it’s not quite warm enough to engage in summer activity.

If mild winters is what we can expect out of global warming, then it’s time for President Bush to really get serious about the issue. Mr. Bush should stop putting up the facade of environmental half-measures and drop them altoghether. If we’re going to warm up the globe, it’t time to move things along more efficiently and bring an end to these half-assed winters.

First, the President should promote national days of driving at least once a month. These would be days solely devoted to the consumption of gasoline in which people just drive all day long. The increase in carbon dioxide emissions would speed up the warming process, give people the opportunity to see new places, and help the economy by allowing Americans to put even more money into circulation at the gas pumps.

Cars employing hybrid technology would of course be discouraged from participating in the day of driving. Cars with six or eight cylindars should get a discount at the pumps. People who drive Hummers should get tax cuts above and beyond the hefty tax cuts they probably already enjoy by simply being in the upper income brackets.

Second, the Bush administration should continue its current practice of ignoring environmental doom-and-gloomers currently pushing for reduced fossil fuel consumption. The administration could save even more money and time by making more drastic cuts in the Environmental Protection Agency. Environmentalists have done nothing but squawk about Bush’s policies, so it will make little difference in Washington.

Finally, the President should throw the weight of his down-home, folksy appeal to become a cheerleader for Global Warming. He should encourage Americans to tan (with sunscreen of course) and to promote the development of summer outdoor activities by taking lots of vacations at the ranch in Crawford, Texas.

This shouldn’t be too hard for the President since he’s used to being the cheerleader for big business and the oil industry anyway. Although extended vacations at the ranch would merely be a continuation of the status quo, it would give them a greater sense of legitimacy.

What could be better than Christmas all year ’round? Of course, the only thing better would be global summer all year long. With little else he can do as the lamest of ducks in the next two years, the President should redouble his efforts to move global warming along.

Technorati Tags: President Bush, carbon dioxide emissions, hybrid technology, Environmental Protection Agency, global warming

Filed under: Politics on November 27th, 2006